if you see me lately, you will know what’t the different of old and new me. hihihi… yup… finally i decided to try and learn how to wear the undeniable SCARF.
people ask why. hihihi… it’s purely from my deep heart. i wanna. the will was began at 2 or 3 years ago… it was when one of my friend tell a story of her first time, that she was forced by her parents to decide to pick a religion. whether she continue with moslem or not. and if she want to continue with moslem, than she is needed to obey rules and stop disobeying rules.
my family is not that strict on things that relate to religion. they want me to decide anywhen i want. that anything related religion come with process of life, and sometime for some people take more than the other.
but things, i dont know why, just seem like locked. i shalat, i also fast, i try my best avoiding not halaal food, i also spend my zakat. so why still keeping dont wear my scarf???? and i know the rule. i also know the consequences. heard from people that already wear before me, it doesnt hurt and cost you anything.
still i dont get the gut.
while am in SA, it was only me who’s not wearing scarf among other. they always asking why. never been exposed that close before, made me find the simplest way to answer them, without giving bad idea on my religion.
me: ” cause i’m a sinner”
me: “infact, i dont know”
first it was easy saying that. but after all, it made me realize that what i do is, keeping doing sin. without any purpose actually. i mean i dont get any money or benefit, except i thought not wearing scarf is way easier than wearing. and i thought wearing scarf will make you sweat more. that almost all people before me said that it wasnt that hot that they thought it will be.
and i dont know why suddenly i think further of it. that scarf is an identity for a muslimah. that they will not recognize me as moslem. that a lot of things suddenly is going not as smooth and as comfort if people doesnt recognize you as moslem.
and as i posted, my BFF mom, said that if i wanna ask more, than i have to give more. i suddenly think that it’s so unfair if i keep asking things, and keep disobey rules.i feel i am a pathetic oppurtunist.
july this year, in semanggi, i saw a gorgeous scarf. and i cried. i felt that am so awful. even start buying scarf i dont want to. so when will my time then?
so here i am. learning to wear it.
not just that, but also learning to be istiqomah. not just one day stand. learning to be a real muslimah. learning to commit with it.
my teacher said, “moslem people doesnt have to tell people that they are moslem. the habbit will tell”
so now, i dont have to tell people. my scarf and my behavior will tell.