lately

last weekend was a stuffed weekend. a full one. though “hidung nastar” was in Bali, Ojan was in Palembang, Citra was with Rama, Irma was with her friends, (people that i use to go with), i have no “lonely” feeling. 

well… i went to Depok, to a friend’s house, come to see his new baby born. and went to Pasar Baru with people. but i guess it’s not the reason why.

i assumed that might be… it was stuffed by confusion. that i was confused by my feeling, by my theory of life. and confused by my future.

and  i did feel blue sometime, the feeling while we love someone, but he doesnt reply to you. the feeling tortured me, hurt enough to make me wanna cry. and run away out of life. out of trouble. but they say the further you run, the more it run after you. it just cant be left unsolved. it stick to you. so the faster you face it and finish it, the better.

i dont know what i want actually. to be happy, or to be happy. i just want to be happy. but i dont want to be happy. gosh!!!!! it is confusing. which happiness i want? or i dont want? how should i grab it? should i grab it? or shouldnt i? will it lead me to the happiness? HOHHHHHH!!! it is CONFUSING!!! the most confusing is… W.I.T.H. .W.H.O.?

~cause i dont wanna pursue it by my half soul~

 

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