do people really grow up?

some one said “we never really grow up. we only learn how to act in public.”

and i said, yeah. in some parts she made a point. but do we?

i learnt that we have to change. yup. something should be changed. in order to adjust. it’s not always wrong-rite taking side. nope. but it’s about adjusting.

when a person who really meant something to you, asked you please be this or be that. you could choose to be this or that or other this or that or you can stay still be just the way you are and let them change. choosing is your pleasure. but as we all know, anything comes with the risks. you can loose, you can fight, you can be happy, ooorrrr…sad. or you can keep the relationship longer.

growing up means that you are a bit older, wiser,  or to develop something, could be physically and mentality. and by growing up means the act prior the growing up is the vice versa. no body really is childish when all you need is just to be more unstable to be fit on a community.

it really is not an excuse. hahahaha…

but then, is growing up is only a matter of how you act in public? is is all about how you represent your self? when you suppose to act wise, instead you act childish, and as such they say you dont grow up, i can not agree to the expression. grow up sometimes to me is a matter how you see things. how you process it and how you present the result.

somethings need to be just come in the right ear and directly come out from the left ear. just simply as it. never take grant for this stuff.

somethings need to be processed in your brain through your ratio.

and a lot of things need to come in and stayed for a bit longer in your heart, and together with the ratio, you decide. you act with ratio or your heart.

and a real grown up know which one which one. and, have i been?


stalking… me??? nuuuuuh waaeeehhh…

stalking is my hobby. not in a bad way like you wanna know time to time activity, secret and unspoken things. no. it’s not like that. well, yeah sometimes, but again, not in a bad way. at least i say.

i dont know whether you can call this stalking, like in bbm, you have the recent updates drop down list, and you will see recently changed status or prof pic. anytime i am free, i like to check the updates, and when there is a catchy status, i greet the person using the status. also from fb, and from twitter.

or when i meet new people, i like to google his/her name. just to know what is he/she doing in the internet. but sometimes, when i meet new man, in purpose of having a more than just friend relationship, i google his name to the deepest. to check his background. anyway…

like this blog i fond, i update any new posts from his blog. i put his RSS Feed in my reader. so i would know if he has a new post. now he is working at the same building with me. and when i meet him, i was that surprise as such i came to him and say hi, and tell him how i fan his blog and his thought a lot. and ask him some of his real world facts, like where he lives. all i got is his dumbfounded face and see me like i’m a ghost. at the moment suddenly i realized, yeah! i’m a stalker. and he is the celebrity.

or other case, there’s this blog, the owner never really gave me the address to his blog. but i find it by the kindness of mbah google. well it was easy actually. i typed the same title of his other blog in google. the blog was a bit private i guess. no body even left a comment. and he spitted out some things i never hear from him. so i kept it just for my curiousity. stupid me, he found out that i have his address and suddenly i feel how annoyed being stalked is. and it was ringing me why the heck he stopped writing.


fyi only yeah… it wasn’t you the only who has blog, who has fan to the blog, or a secret admirer to the blog. and slash or secret admirer. hahahaha… i just dont know whoelse.


so i stopped saying hi to him though it is very often we bump each other in the building area. even once, we were in one lift only the two of us. i am afraid if he feels annoyed and stalked and so he move to other company for that sake. hahahaha… sound so stalker huh?

and so i also unsubscribed the other blog RSS Feed, so he could continue to write. i wont see. no more. hahahaha…

as i today stop stalking, when my heart cannot stop beating, as if it is burnt. hahahaha… but please dont stop stalking me folks!

a day with internet bringing back my appetite of writing…

but yeah. i have to off to bed. see ya!

me and hiheels

once i went to a shoesstore, with him, and he chose a pair of shoes for me. i like the shoes mucho mucho…  it really looks good on my feet. it was a very high hiheels. at least for a beginner like me.

but then, have to admit the first month it was a feet-monster. they ate your feet. hahahaha. i was pretending nothing happened. smile. smile. smile, as wide as the screen. smile is the pain-killer. and of course the way it looked like on my feet was just soooo pain-killer. i said, only the first month (more less laaah)… and so done the pain here come the raising age of the shoes. hahahaha. i used them all time. so many time my clothes are not the same theme with them. hahahahaha…

a few days ago i find another pair of hiheels. yippie. it was way simpler, yet looks nice on my feet.

i start to think it is my feet that are nice. hhuahuahuahuahau…

and again, though i have learnt on how should i pick my next hiheels, still i have to struggle with my new shoes. they still are killing. and so i thought to stop using them. but any time i see how nice they are on my feet, i just cant help.

i dont know is there any relation between this with what i wanna tell you after this.

i have this close friend, i cant tell who is she, with a very complicated relationship with her boyfriend. by complicated, i meant it was like a pair of hiheels. they always fight, but then back to cuddle each other in like less than 5 minutes. and if you see how they fight, you might also think that it is a very small chances that they will stay still, but not. any time i checked, they are as okay as many other couple. smiling.

as my vacation, dont ask from which couple, i picked this topic up. it could be mine. could be yours, could be general. i learnt how hard to keep your relationship stay still. i was proud that mine could last a few months, though with no huge fight, when i saw other have to struggle to keep their feet smiling as they use the very comfy shoes.

and so come in mind, is their any in this world a very comfy shoes, as such you dont have to struggle while wearing them on, yet look nice on your feet? if shoes what i really talking about, i believe, yes. there are plenty. how bout relationship? what is the exact formula that i can freeze in mind, and have them re-played as a you tube video?


happy ied, all moslem broth and sist


a lot of wishes on my wish list, which are still hanging there. and a lot of times i feel like a looser looking at it. felt like seeing one by one my dream seems soooo far a way for being realized. hahahaha…

and yeah. i put a lots of wishes for this ramadhan. though i have no guts to put my heart on it, but yeah, i did wishing, and i did asking. insya allah He will prepare the best.

Happy ied to my Moslem broth and sist, may from this past Ramadhan, we could learn some good things, be a better person, learn how to master our lust, and may Allah accept all the ibadahs that we did, and makes this ied a very joyful day for us all.

to all, I would like to apologize for all what i did. things that i did, and havent dare enough to admit and confront to apologize to you. I am now. I’m sorry… deeply sorry.

Safety and Risk Department

out of the blue, my boss told me to help the Safety and Risk Department. For a quite time. And here I am. one of it.


tak sabar menanti hari Kamis..


mine is still a 24-a-day time…

and so i dont know why, i stopped writing. it’s been like ages, since the last time i write. like i said, i dont know why.

the only thing i know is… i am now too sleepy to write, but sooooooooo desperately wanting it. i write with my head nods and with nothing to write. i’m just wanting it.


<3 <3 <3

yippie… happy and sad in the same time. see you on sunday ya!

kartu kredit dan tagihannya

sesorean ini gw, yossy sm arfan berdebat hebaaaaaaaaatttttt. membahas ttg amanah vs ikhlash vs akad vs seeeegalaaaaa…

yg pasti semoga berguna. bukan bener atau salah. tapi belajar memilah2.

diantara semua itu bagian yg paling gw suka adalah bagian penutup… pas pulang.

“hahahaha… ya gt deh yos. kalo seandainya dosa itu ada kartu kreditnya, gw tiaaaaap saat ngegeseknya, tinggal ntar pas tanggal cetak aja dikirim tagihannya. sekarang si tagihannya jalaaaan teroooos. sekali gesek… dua kali geseeeeek… makin sering makin banyaaaak. makin hari bunganyamakin banyaaaaak… kayak bunga majemuk… udah tahu dosa kok gak taubat. tapi gitu itu. iman manusia itu kadang lagi di atas… kadang dibawah. pas di atas ya ditawarin yg subhat dikiiit aja. ‘maap. no thanks.’ mau laper kek mau kenyang…mau enak kek mau gratis kek. lewat. eh pas lagi dibawah… yo wes. ‘la laper e.’ ‘la enak e’.”

again anyway. all i can do is to have the battle every and each day. battle against my self.

time is everything?or failing is everything?

i am now enjoying gym so much.

tuesday – belly dancing and 3km of jogging,

wednesday – combat (that is all)

saturday – free styler

sunday – setiabudi-semanggi-setiabudi jogging.

and so after the brag (hihihi), comes the story.

i was sooooo dumb at dancing. and it includes belly dance. it is sooooo hard!!!! to differentiate between shaking your belly and shaking your hips. how should i differentiate? when my belly shakes, my butt and hips also shake, and so my body to. huahuahuahauh…

and this teacher, was soooooo tega deh lo. she did shimi and chest something (when you move your chest like you want to open it up). last weekend i was totally a watcher. i cant catching up. theres no way i can do that. but last nite, it was ok! i was surprise to my self. though its not perfect and far awaaaaaaaay from sensual >> funny instead, well, yeahhh… give me some appreciation for my progress. if i keep doing this for three years, i belive i can do sooooo! pray for that.

and so do other things that i can not do. i will be able eventually. it’s just not the time yet. hahahaha…


a friend said love is unreal. it’s only what you feel. but commitment is.

i questioned, how on earth a person could not-loving someone but able to keep a commitment, or could not?

a friend said, well, you could only be falling in love in 2 years. your first 2 years is like in heaven. you’ll be sooo high. so that you are able to do things you couldnt if you’re not in love. after that, it would bore you. and you will start to be your self and start to complain.

i questioned, and so there you need the commitment? how could a person, a living person keep the commitment after that?

a friend said, love is only to open the gate. when you falling in love, you have the energy to do the commitment. and commitment is about to living the commitment. to do it instead to talk about it. the hard time is to begin it. and love is the key to the gate. after several time you do, it becomes a habbit, and by the end of the day commitment is easy.


friend of life

Last weekend I went to Bogor. I was with my boss,other department lil boss,,and mailisa. We went to Daud’s house to convey our deepest condolences. Daud’s dad has passed away 2days before.
When we passing through Istana Bogor, there’s this tree which is kinda old and super big. I was thinking it’s like 4 trees blended each other. But turns it is truly one tree.
My boss suddenly said..”That’s the tree of life” and yes, I wanna be the tree of life. Not it’s ages..but the fact that this tree is a witness of life.
And yes. You are my tree of life. And I wanna be the tree for you..I wanna be a friend of life. Sharing, witnessing, living the life together. I definitely could not be a single tree to grow big. But I’m sure together we could blend each other and grow big.

my English is degrading

Someone called himself monsieur who is so proud of his anglais yet francais fluency has criticize me that my English is degrading,and that I should give an effort of re-freshing my grammar. Hahaha..

brand or image building

once. long time ago… i asked a friend who is a psychologist whether i attract the wrong men.

surprisingly she wasnt asked me how do i know, or other question, and she didnt even try to calm me down.

she,instead, asked me “how do you want people to see you” i was dumbfounded and left the conversation with no answer. it’s not me who wanted to satisfy her question,that got me so grumpy at the moment but it was me who were there with and unanswered question to my self.

but then after the secondly i met her  i was finally able to answer it. “i want people to see me differently. and i want people to see me as i think differently. i dont want to be so predictable. i want to stun them with my different yet right thoughts.

and so she said. “you have made your self clear. that is how i see you now. and you have sold it. only sometimes not just you who have a thoughts on some branding or image. even i, i dont know what kind of man i want to my future.” she made a good point.

that is why probably i never enjoy TOP 40 chartz before (i said:before). i dont do mainstreamer before (i said:before). i dress differently with my own way. that is my way of communicating my brand image.

brand building is one of marketing strategy to attract the rite costumer. as sometimes not the pointed costumers who finally get attracted, but so what? we never know rite or wrong, or no?

but my question, when it comes to love, does it have to be branded or imaged or so? or we could just find what suits the relationship and apply it? i have no idea.

1234…by Plain White T’s

my love to you is brainless…

my love to you is as simple as 1234



by Plain White T’s

Give me more lovin’ than I’ve ever had
Make it all better when I’m feelin’ sad
Tell me that I’m special even when I know I’m not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin’ mad, I’m so glad I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you

Give me more lovin’ from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Best that I’ve had, I’m so glad that I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love you

You make it easy, it’s easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love you

1, 2, 3, 4
I love you
I love you

thanks a lot, Mr. B!

for bringing back my smiley face..
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 :))

just can’t get enough… by BEP

😦 i miss you… and i just never get enough… hahahahaha..

enjoying nites…


by BEP

[Chorus: Fergie]
Boy I think about it every night, and day
I’m addicted, want to jump inside your love
I wouldn’t want to have it any other, way
I’m addicted, and I just can’t get enough

I just can’t get enough [4X]
Honey got her sexy on steamin
She give the hotness a new meanin
Perfection, mami you gleamin
Inception, you got a brother dreamin, dreamin
Damn baby I’m fiendin
I’m tryin to holla at you I’m screamin
Let me love you down this evenin

Lovie lovie yeah you know you are my demon

Girl work it for my team an’
I could be the King, you could be the Queen an’
My mind’s dirty and it don’t need cleanin

I love you long time so you know the meanin

Oh baby I can’t come down, so please come help me out
You got me feelin high and I can’t step off the cloud
And I just can’t get enough


I just can’t get enough [4X]
Honey got me runnin like I’m Flo Jo
Signed her name on my heart with an XO
Love so sweet got me vexed though
I wanna wish it right back like Presto, yes
Meantime I wait for the next time
She come around for a toast to the best time
We LOL back and forth on the text line
She got me fishin for her love, I confess I’m..
Somethin ’bout her smile and the convo
Got me high and I ain’t comin down yo
My heart’s pumpin out louder than electro
She got me feelin like {MR. ROBOTO}

Oh baby I can’t come down, so please come help me out
You got me feelin high and I can’t step off the cloud
And I just can’t get enough


“This, has been a switchup”

Switchup! [2X]
I, just, can’t (switchup)

Locked, sunk in your bed-rock
Heart, pumpin your love-shot
Knocked, out by your cold-shot
I’m, stuck in your head-lock (switchup)
Can’t-can’t stop-stop won’t-won’t quit-quit
Makin me f-f-f-f-f-fiend, give it to me
I want it all-all, know what I mean
Your love is a dose of ecsta (switchup)
Addicted, I can’t get, away from, you
Afflicted, I need it, I miss it (switchup)
I want your lovin right next to me
And I can’t, erase you out of my memory-ory
I, just, can’t, (switchup)

grey love story

being black or white is so boring… they said. let’s just be grey instead. again…they said.

tapi tapi tapi…

ga buat gw… i need to be at the black or white yet grey in the same time.

when i am at black or white, i will be easily freaked out.

when i am at grey area i need a status.

conversation..sue me for being harras

“How could you be bored when any other day always there is something new and make me laugh?”

B: pointing the stationary that is designed for attaching paper to a soft wall..we call it paku payung in bahasa for the bigger one with the circle roof that look like an opened umbrella, but B is pointing the plasticcolorfulroof ones. “What do you call this in bahasa?”
Me: bold. Loudly. And very sure sounded. “Mmm..Pines (<– read it using bahasa’s letters and way of pronounciation, then you’ll get what i mean)?”
B: “HA? You can’t be joking!”
Me: “yeah! Why?” Dumbfounded
B: “that word?seriously???it can’t be rite!is it normal size for indo?”
Me: “why?you need bigger size?” Still dumbfounded and referring the stationary
B: “” There he was laughing..”You just can’t be rite. I know you don’t even mean to joke using that P word.”
Me: then suddenly I understand. And recall all the conversation and playback it in my head..and there I was..soooooo embarrass.
B: “how do you spell it anyway..”
Me: “P A K U. P I N E S..”
B: “Paku?”
Me: “yeah..nail”
B: “ do it again. And Paku pines”
Me: “aaaaah! Let’s just not have this conversation.”

C A S E      C L O S E D